Monday, August 15, 2011

Romantic or Calculated?

I watched a news piece today where a man surprised his girlfriend with a proposal AND wedding in the same day. Luring her to the event under the pretext of a retirement party, he dropped to one knee outside the building, popped the question, and when she said yes (thankfully), he took her inside to put on a wedding gown and marry him in front of 200 family and friends. She (reportedly) had no clue. And went through with the marriage. When the news piece ended, my husband looked at me—his eyebrows where his hairline used to be—and commented that the man was either brave or clueless, his exact words being something along "I thought ladies preferred to take care of all that". I shrugged and suggested it possible that particular lady wasn't into "all that". I know for my second wedding (to said perplexed husband), I was definitely not into "all that" and let him and his family take care of the big stuff (who, where, when, what music, how to seat and feed 300 people—issues for the day) while I looked after bridal-party attire, photographer, and decorations (things that haunt you through albums for decades to come). And that got me thinking.

If either of my fianc├ęs (ex and current husband) had taken it upon themselves to secretly plan, organize, and lure me unsuspecting to my own wedding, would I have gone through with it? If I did go through with it, would it have been out of genuine joy and desire, or guilt and shock? Or would I have let my need to control the details jolt me into jilting my man at the altar, or conversely, would I have feared he was displaying the over-controlling behavior of someone intent on dominating my life starting with when, where, and how I'd wed? Big thoughts. Big day.

What say you? Would you consider a surprise same-day wedding sprung on you a romantic gesture, or presumptuous preempt? If you are, or have married, did you divide and conquer the responsibilities leading to the big day equally, or develop a different ratio of delegation?

Please share in the comments!



Linda G. said...

I'm afraid I'd put it in the "presumptuous preempt" category. I can't imagine being basically cut out of planning one of the most important days of my life. At least, not without consultation.

If she had said, "Yeah, go for it, honey -- you know I hate worrying about those details!" it would be one thing. (Who knows? Maybe this lady had previously expressed disinterest in wedding planning.) But the whole thing smacks of him either being arrogantly sure of her answer or being too afraid to allow her a cooling off period after he got it.

Deborah said...

Hi Linda,

It is an unusual situataion. I have mixed feelings. Apparently the two had planned to elope in Vegas the following month, so she had her dress, but she arrived at the event wearing black nail polish, her hair respectable, but definitely not primped for "center of attention" positioning; yet she seemed pleasantly surprised.

A later news piece revealed that he had spent a year casually querying her on the preferred details _if_ she did have a wedding (kind of cake, colors, etc) so he did his best to create her vision as she told it to him, still...

Something this big; I want the fun--and angst--of working together to plan and organize the day. In my opinion, if you can't cooperate long enough to organize your wedding, you probably shouldn't get married. :)

Take care!